How to Support Someone with Depression: Words That Help and Hurt

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Losing a limb can deeply affect an individual’s mental well-being, often leading to high rates of depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you have a friend or loved one dealing with depression after undergoing an amputation, you may find it difficult to know the right words to say or how to provide support.

It’s natural to worry about unintentionally saying the wrong thing, especially if you’re not familiar with the mental health aspects associated with such trauma. To help, let’s explore effective ways to use (or not use) your words to support someone facing depression.

What is depression?  

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), experiencing a depressive disorder, commonly known as “depression,” goes beyond merely feeling sad or having a tough day. It is a medical condition that can affect individuals of all ages, ethnicities, and socioeconomic statuses.

Christine Crawford, MD, MPH, the associate medical director at NAMI, highlighted the importance of distinguishing between general feelings of sadness and a major depressive episode in an interview with Good Housekeeping. By making this distinction clear, individuals are more likely to recognize the signs and seek the necessary support.

Dr. Crawford explained that in cases of depressive disorder, symptoms interfere with daily functioning—be it at work, at home, or within personal relationships. If these symptoms persist for two weeks, it becomes a pressing medical issue that warrants professional help. In contrast, a transient feeling of sadness tends to resolve within a day or so.

In cases of depressive disorder, symptoms interfere with daily functioning—be it at work, at home, or within personal relationships. If these symptoms persist for two weeks, it becomes a pressing medical issue.

It’s also important to acknowledge that depression is often a typical reaction to experiences such as amputation, and addressing it through appropriate mental health support and treatment is vital for successful recovery and overall well-being.

Common signs of depression  

According to NAMI, the following are prevalent signs of depression:

• Diminished interest or enjoyment in previously enjoyable activities

• Changes in weight or appetite

• Disturbances in sleep patterns

• A sense of restlessness or sluggishness

• Persistent fatigue

• Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or inadequacy

• Challenges with focus or decision-making

• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Amputation and depression  

Limb loss can profoundly affect an individual’s mental well-being, often resulting in depression. This psychological impact arises from various factors, including changes in body image, physical limitations, chronic pain (such as phantom limb pain), and the difficulties associated with adjusting to a new lifestyle.

Research indicates that people who have undergone amputations face a higher likelihood of experiencing depression than the general population. For instance, a study published in the JAMA Network reveals that the risk of depression is notably higher among amputees, especially those who have registered disabilities. Furthermore, a study in the Yeungnam University Journal of Medicine highlights the critical need for early identification and management of psychological challenges faced by amputees to enhance their ability to adapt and rehabilitate effectively.

What to say (or not say)  

It’s important to recognize that while you can make their pain disappear, your support can make a difference.

Do offer your consistent support

One effective way to offer support is by asking, “How can I support you right now?” This question empowers the person to express their needs.

For instance, if they’re worried about not being present in their children’s lives, you can offer to babysit. If you’re headed to the supermarket, you can offer to get some things for them. If they decline your offer, continue to check in and offer your support. They may be ready to accept assistance later, and your consistent offers send the message that you genuinely care about their well-being.

Don’t minimize their experiences

While it’s understandable to want to replace someone’s sadness with hope and positivity, saying things like “This will pass!” or “Be positive!” can invalidate their experience. It can hinder their ability to share what they’re truly feeling.

Furthermore, comments like “Focus on the good things!” can come off as dismissive, suggesting that they are choosing to feel this way. Remember, depression is a serious illness that requires understanding and support.

Don’t focus on problem-solving

You may feel compelled to offer solutions or suggest changes, such as cutting out certain food groups or trying a particular meditation. Trying to fix things stems from our own discomfort with their situation. Instead of problem-solving, focus on sitting with their struggles.

Do support their treatment choices

Even if you have reservations about the treatments they are getting, such as certain medications, it’s vital to prioritize their needs over your opinions. Support them in their decisions without judgment.

Dr. Crawford emphasizes the importance of normalizing discussions around seeking help, whether through therapy or medication. Be an ally in their journey without trying to sway them towards alternatives you believe in.

Watch out for indicators of suicidal thoughts  

While it’s important to be supportive and encouraging, it’s also vital to know the warning signs of suicide. According to the NAMI, individuals with major depressive disorder are particularly vulnerable to suicide.

Here are some signs to watch out for:

• Expressions of suicidal thoughts or hints about wanting to end their life

• Increased use of alcohol or drugs

• Heightened aggression or irritability

• Withdrawing from social interactions

• Extreme mood swings that suggest emotional instability

• Frequent discussions or reflections on death

• Engaging in impulsive or dangerous activities

Immediate red flags can include actions like organizing their personal affairs, saying goodbye to friends and family, giving their treasured belongings away, experiencing a sudden change from distress to serenity, and formulating a suicide plan.

The bottom line  

Supporting someone with depression, particularly after a significant event like limb loss, requires sensitivity, patience, and understanding. Recognizing the seriousness of their condition and the unique challenges they face is essential in providing effective support. By fostering open communication, offering consistent encouragement, and validating their feelings, you can help create a safe space for them to express their emotions.

Remember, while you may not be able to eliminate their pain, your presence and compassion can make a big difference in their journey toward healing.